Is there such a thing as too old on lookbook? I noticed I haven’t seen anyone in their 30s posting pictures, or maybe just like me they’ve hidden their age on their profiles. I’ve been thinking about that though. After seeing so many photos of teenagers and twentysomethings I’ve suddenly decided to hide my age, when I’m proud of my age and what I’ve become. I would never want to be in my dark teenage years or my confused late bloomer twenties. I like myself more now that I’m older and I guess this is why I wanted to take that lookbook challenge. It isn’t that I like myself that much but my saying I like myself now only speaks to how less I thought of myself before so much that I hate having my pictures taken and hate looking at myself in pictures. I’ve always been insecure about my looks and always worried about what other people will say about what I’m wearing so I don’t go over the top or too sexy or too flashy. I remember what my mom said years ago about my body being too uhm…*slight pause* “sensual” which made me ashamed and never comfortable with myself. Although others would have taken that as a compliment but with my catholic upbringing that equals slutty.
I was taking fat burners when I was in high school and puking my brains out just to be thin. I wanted to be waif like, I hated my bust size and butt size. I wished for them to be smaller so I could wear anything I wanted and not look “sensual” but acceptably decent, cute and pretty. So that started 20 or so years ago, now I’m still obsessed about my weight and have tried multiple fat burning pills and diets, but my bust size and my butt have remained the same. My fashion is safe, I don’t like wearing tight clothes and never comfortable with them. I’m still overly self-conscious about having my pictures taken and still hate how I look in my photos.
But I love to look at fashion magazines and see all those to die for clothes and wish I could wear them. In recent years, I’ve been more aware of that through Rachel Zoe, project runway, ANTM, InStyle magazine, all the fashion sites I’ve subscribed too. I remember when I was in grade school we were asked to draw our answer for the never-ending question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I still remember clearly what I drew, I wish I had that now but I drew myself in a white pantsuit. Here is the closest white pantsuit to the one that I drew that I’ve seen on google, the one that Jennifer Lopez is wearing, who would have thought!
So this is my lookbook challenge to myself…not to see myself as gorgeous with legs that go on for miles like a lot of the fashion bloggers or fashion lovers on lookbook but to learn to accept how I look and find beauty in all the imperfections that I see and not feel ashamed, have enough courage to have my pictures taken and not be too self-conscious as I attempt my fashion blogger pose. So here I am in all my uhmm…*LOL* … “sensual” glory!
If the widget isn’t working here’s a link.
P.S. To anybody reading this please hype my look on lookbook. It will help boost my confidence a little. =)